Hope of Morning

My mind's a kaleidoscope, it thinks too fast
 Blurs all the colors 'til I can't see past
 The last mistake, the choice I made
 Staring in the mirror with myself to blame
 Sometimes I'm afraid of the thoughts inside
 Nowhere to hide inside my mind
 I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair
 I second guess myself to death, I re-solicit every step
 What if my words are meaningless? What if my heart's misleading this?
 I try to capture every moment as it comes to me
 Bottle up the memories and let them keep me company
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 When the hope of morning starts to fade in me
 I don't dare let darkness have its way with me
 And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight
 I will not be giving in tonight
 When I'm old and grey, or thirty, or whatever happens first
 I'll need you to reassure me I didn't waste a verse
 Or worse, what if my life's work is reduced to just myself
 Like never let you get a word in, while I dissect my mental health
 Or lack thereof, whatever, there's too many things to track
 I really can't remember if I'm insane or insomniac
 Now days, all the kids want crazy, wanna diagnose themselves
 Trade up made up epidemics, pass around prescription pills
 But my disorder can't be cured by a bottle, blade, or dose
 Self-disgust and selfishness tend to hold me awfully close
 But I don't wanna let you see that, I don't want my friends to know
 Self-disgust and selfishness take me everywhere I go
 When the hope of morning starts to fade in me
 I don't dare let darkness have its way with me
 And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight
 I will not be giving in tonight
 Try as I might to keep it together
 Why is recovery taking forever
 Fool the whole world, just until I get better
 I'm terrified I'll be faking forever
 On and on I wonder what went wrong inside my head
 I don't have to have the answers, but tonight I wish I did
 All the pain I can't explain away won't fade
 All the secrets silenced by the shame
 Don't make me say it
 Don't make me say it
 Don't make me say it
 Don't make me say it
 Oh-oh-oh-oh
 Don't make me say it
 Don't make me say it
 Don't make me say it
 When the hope of morning starts to fade in me
 I don't dare let darkness have its way with me
 And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight
 I will not be giving in tonight