Be More Chill, Pt. 1

You see, human social activity is governed by rules
 And I have the processing capacity to understand those rules and pass them on to you
 C - c - c - c - c - c'mon
 Jeremy, can't you see?
 Your operating system is outdated
 C'mon
 Boo, you know that you
 Make everyone around you nauseated
 Hey, I've arrived now
 This is not a drill
 Hey, I've arrived, wow!
 Won't be long until
 You wi - i - i - i - i - i - ill
 Be more chill
 Take your hands out of your pockets
 Arch your back, puff out your chest
 Add some swagger to your gate or
 You'll look like a masturbator
 Fix your posture, then the rest
 Oh, but I am a masturbator
 We'll fix that
 All your nerdiness is ugly
 I though I was more of a geek?
 All your stammering's a chore
 Wha- stammer? No, I-I don't stammer, I don't know, wha-
 Your ticks and fidgets are persistent
 And your charm is nonexistent
 Fix your vibe, then fix some more
 B - nu - B- ah - No - that's - Stop - no
 Oh, everything about you is so terrible
 Terrible?
 Terrible
 Awe
 Oh, everything about you makes me want to die
 Ugh...
 So don't freak out and don't resist
 And have no doubt if I assist
 You wi - i - i - i - i - i - ill be more chill
 Now, the first thing you need to change is your shirt
 Buy that one!
 It says Eminem
 If you're so astute, what so you need me for?
 Do people still listen to Eminem?
 Irrelevant
 My quantum structure enables me to envision possible futures
 I envision a future in which you wear an Eminem shirt and things turn out well
 Oh, everything about you is so terrible
 (Everything about you sucks, everything about you sucks)
 Oh, everything about you makes me want to die
 (Everything about you sucks, everything about you sucks)
 All the people in the mall think you are such a slob
 (You're a slob, terrible, such a slob)
 And boy, can I see why
 Now you try picking a shirt... that's a girl shirt
 Jerry?
 Jerry-me!
 Greet the beta
 The be- oh. Hi, Brooke
 You look sexy-
 I can't to a hot girl, gaaa
 Don't smile. Stare intensely like you don't care about your own death
 LOOKING PRETTY SEXY, BROO-KE
 Thanks. Is that a girl's shirt?
 NO! Yes, yes. Repeat after me
 I saw it in the window and I couldn't dismiss
 (I saw it in the window and I couldn't dismiss)
 I was dating a girl and she had a shirt just like this
 (I was dating a girl and she had a shirt just like this, hehe)
 It's still painful
 (It's still painful)
 So who was this mystery girl?
 Oh, you've probably never heard of-
 Madeline
 (Madeline)
 What?
 She's fre-e-e-e-ench
 She is not French. She just pretends to be for attention
 Madeline broke up with you?
 Yea- NO, I mean.
 I broke up with her
 (I broke up with her)
 Cause she was cheating on me
 (She was cheating on me-E-e-E-ee ah)
 Hey Hamlet, be more chill
 Brooke is gonna offer you a ride
 It's imperative you accept