Pain in My Eyez

Lately these thoughts have been suicidal
 Vital i use this median to escape for survival
 Looking for ends i been so poor and feeling idle
 Meanwhile im shacking my shorty questioning what's the title
 Somethings i just leave on read
 Laying down on my bed
 Staring up at the ceiling
 Wondering how to get feed
 Overwhelmed by school trying not to drop out
 Paranoid so the tool is present if they pop out
 Anxiety racing
 Pacing back and forth like a feen
 Tired hospitals tired of funerals since a teen it's been reality
 Lost my grandma granddad & cousin in the same week
 In public fighting back tears so i won't appear weak
 Hard to keep peace
 When your late on your lease
 When your drowning in debt
 And harassed by police
 People care about dogs more than mass incarceration
 Yet Cops are killing our dogs but
 There is no conversation tell me why?
 Wrestle with my conscious it's a slap fight
 Loaded my subconscious keep me up Nights
 Like liquor in my blood but it burns nice
 Shaky on my feet like my first bike
 Words flavors sweet like that first bite
 Weren't there for me on my first night
 Words failing me for the first time
 Please don't let me down you know i need you around me.
 I've seen heaven seen hell
 The two sides of Atl
 One side creates the other side kills
 One side gives the other side steals
 Kick doors and hit licks
 Get a fix or flip bricks
 I stayed inside not to hide but my pride and joy was the music
 As a getaway i would use to free my mind from reality everyday
 Because honestly i felt pain in everyway
 I'm a Product of a broken home
 Mother alone
 But I'm good with dad
 She made sure by any means that i always had
 Even when the water wasn't on
 Or the cable she was able to keep food at the table
 The sad reality she only could do so much
 Man of the house before 10 she used me as a crutch
 I saw things that i should never see
 Heard screams paralyzed with fear i use to envy me for not doing a thing
 I use to envy my step mom and dad
 I use to envy my brothers and the lifestyle that they had
 Visiting every other weekend felt like a vacay
 Go out and then church the following day
 That side felt like the Cosby's then
 Had to go back
 To Ellenwood area where the hysteria was at
 Made me a man
 Partially made me bitter in stilled resentment i tucked away m
 Dramatically changed me til this very day
 Wrestle with my conscious it's a slap fight
 Loaded my subconscious keep me up Nights
 Like liquor in my blood but it burns nice
 Shaky on my feet like my first bike
 Words flavors sweet like that first bite
 Weren't there for me on my first night
 Words failing me for the first time
 Please don't let me down you know i need you around me.