Better Myself

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
 I should try and better myself (myself)
 But I'm drowning in the deep end
 And it feels like no one sees it
 Someone, please give me a reason I should stay
 I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
 I should try and better myself (myself)
 But I'm drowning in the deep end
 And it feels like no one sees it
 Someone, please give me a reason I should stay
 Yeah, I got a plan to make a lot of changes
 But it's harder to breathe when your heart is racin'
 I've been caught up in constant contemplation
 That shit's not a phase, it's too complicated
 Can't concentrate when the cuts get deeper
 If I were you, I wouldn't love me either
 My problem is I'm too fuckin' eager
 I got a taste of revenge and there's nothing sweeter
 So I'm numbin' the pain with another substance
 Till I lose balance and my blood is rusted
 Just another fuck up piss drunk in public
 They don't trust me at all, like I'm up to somethin'
 Like, why can't they ever hear me screamin'
 The preacher told me I might need Jesus
 Trapped in my head till I find some freedom
 It feels like I'm some sort of evil genius
 Please don't talk to me 'cause I don't want to be bothered
 And I can't fall asleep, I'm busy fighting these monsters
 Why's it so hard to breathe, somebody call me a doctor
 I think I'm goin' fuckin' bonkers, yeah
 I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
 I should try and better myself (myself)
 But I'm drowning in the deep end
 And it feels like no one sees it
 Someone, please give me a reason I should stay
 I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
 I should try and better myself (myself)
 But I'm drowning in the deep end
 And it feels like no one sees it
 Someone, please give me a reason I should stay
 Think I'm addicted to bad news
 Everyone I love ends up bein' stab wounds
 Maybe they did what they had to
 I'm better off alone or give me liquor and tattoos
 I feel like nothin' takes the stress away (stress away)
 This bible's promise send me better days (better days)
 I give in my chest and I get led astray
 So fuck these promises I said I'd never break
 I pray for peace, yet I prepare for war
 I'm 24, but these tears could fill a reservoir
 You bitches think you know me, you don't
 Throw a hundred million stones trying to break me, you won't (break me, you won't)
 I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
 I should try and better myself (myself)
 But I'm drowning in the deep end
 And it feels like no one sees it
 Someone, please give me a reason I should stay
 Look, I thought I quit doin' dope for good
 Been smokin' cones of wood 'cause I
 I'm really wishin' I was drunk
 I've become accustomed to the sober life
 Overnight, took a year and nine months
 Like it don't mean shit
 Every time the phone ring, get told to shut the fuck up
 And cussed by the one I love but she don't want no contact
 The sheriff gonna come and lock me up for just that
 Just asked my doctor for Klonopin
 He's always on a mission tryna get me took off pills
 He don't wanna write a script and get in trouble
 When it's obvious there's something that I'm hooked on still
 I told him "Look Doc, look I'm chill
 Drunk a half a bottle earlier and I don't even look off keel"
 I just stood on still so much Xanax in my
 Body like I'm runnin' on a football field
 I just wanna better myself
 Mama said I know you got your life temporarily taken away
 But livin' here is better than jail
 Then the minute she said it, I felt like killin' myself
 I don't look in no mirror, I don't step on no scale
 I'm so god-damn fat, god-damn Johnny
 Ain't no god-damn money
 Every god-damn body, what you found that funny
 Your heaven's my hell
 I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
 I should try and better myself (myself)
 But I'm drowning in the deep end
 And it feels like no one sees it
 Someone, please give me a reason I should stay
 I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
 I should try and better myself (myself)
 But I'm drowning in the deep end
 And it feels like no one sees it
 Someone, please give me a reason I should stay