I'm A Man

Hey office lady. I see you there with your rolodex
 You know what I'm going to do for you?
 I'm going to change out this water jug one-handed
 But first Imma spill a few drops into your lap
 And dab them up with this powerful organ in my mouth
 And by that I mean my tongue
 Because I'm a man
 And I can tell by my reflection in this duck painting that I look good
 You know what a man does?
 Lays his finger to the side of his nose to catch the grease
 Then dips that finger into his beer head and that head goes down
 Yeah I mentioned going down
 You heard of it?
 I just want to take that packet of
 Pens and spill it on your naked back
 African rain I call that
 Where's your boss?
 Don't answer that because he's right here
 I'm pointing at me. I'm your boss
 Get me a coffee and dip your undies in it
 Because I like my coffee with a nip of cream
 I'm a man, Miss Office Lady
 Who's in that picture frame?
 I like kids but I don't like boyfriends
 And I don't like husbands
 You ever been to a zoo and seen the apes?
 You ever seen the apes and thought
 Those hairy abominations
 That hairy one in the corner touching
 Himself with his leatherfingers, that's a man?
 When you think of that you think of me
 You take dic-tations? You get it?
 You ever been stapled?
 Never mind. We'll get to that
 You cold?
 Put on that cardigan you got hanging over your chair
 Do it slow
 Pick up that phone and dial S-E-X-F-U-N and guess what
 My belt's gonna vibrate and Imma put you
 On speaker so you can hear yourself begging
 Imma pick up the phone saying
 What am I and you know how you'll answer?
 A man
 Go ahead and cry if you need to because I love being flattered
 Yeah lick that envelope
 Get that corner real good
 Let's refill your stapler. Go on
 Get out them post-its and write
 Yourself a reminder to thank God for man
 You got too much shit on your desk
 You like foreplay? Because I don't
 I like to cut to the chase
 Call a spade a spade
 I'm a straight shooter
 I'm a man among men
 I'll take the milk and the cow
 That's you, you're the cow
 I'm easy breezy
 Gonna measure your entry spot with that
 Ruler you got from the work picnic last summer
 I already know you're a size Q pantyhose
 Q for Quit talkin chubby
 I hope you know how to cook because Mother don't wake up until noon
 And by that time I'll be here with you
 Refilling your water cooler and watching you suck
 On that hard candy like you never heard of a innuendo
 So get ready because come 5 I'll be in the van outside waitin
 Rubbin at myself like that ape in his cage
 Thinkin about you and your nasty, nasty, nasty desk
 And so help me don't you forget the paper clips