Everything Falls Apart

The truth is I hate my own guts so you won't have to
 So much so, that I can't recognize love or the lack of it
 I've packed this suitcase a thousand times
 Said aloud "I'll never look back"
 But end up sitting on my bed just staring at it
 I've cried alone more times than I'd like to admit
 But I've been too proud to tell you
 I'm losing it
 Anxiety ridden guilt stricken
 The weights of things
 It's sinking in
 It's like an awful movie I've seen a hundred times and I know the end
 And everything falls apart
 But I'm collecting the pieces
 I found a little bit of hope shoved between
 the seats In the back of the van
 And I'm content with knowing exactly where I am
 I've seen hell It's a worn out reclining chair
 And I've dreamt of heaven
 It's anywhere but here