Lost from Loss

First loss I ever felt was fat
 Ryan from the hood
 Too embarrassed sneaking out of class crying when I could
 I was only sixteen
 Lonnie died a year later
 Went from hooping at the Y to asking God why'd you take him
 Then what
 Two suicides the same week
 Mariah and Tails
 That's the moment that changed me
 I was haunted by them thoughts
 Can't talk can't sleep
 We was only kids fighting demons
 This pain deep
 Hoping I ain't have the same fate
 Initials on a nameplate but the chain fake
 R.I.P shirts
 Repping under stress
 But couldn't nothing prepare me for what was coming next
 Two of my close thugs murdered in cold blood
 We might pull a trigger
 We're not pulling a plug
 I was at the hospital with Swift praying he
 Pulled through
 Had a dream about doc when he died
 Awakened by that phone call thought the shit was a lie
 He called back confirming it and I crumbled inside
 Blood in my eyes seeing red want them all dead
 It's been a minute but I'm dusting off these cobwebs
 Paranoid because you never know
 Death it's so sudden
 I'm knowing they would've been ready if they seen it coming
 No morals at all suckers will kill you over nothing
 Look at us still hustling though
 I'm lost from all the losses I done took
 My dogs got caught they wasn't cautious enough
 So lost from all the losses I done took
 Flowers on your grave
 Money on your books
 Every phone call got me shook
 I know it's bad when it's ringing off the hook
 My heart drops
 I don't even want to look
 I'm traumatized from all these losses I done took
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 From all these losses I done took
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 From all these losses I done took
 Prison took the neighborhood away from us
 Tried to send some money tried to stay in touch
 Budder did a bid before he graduated
 But if that dude was black they wouldn't have gave a fuck
 Swift was on the band in our glory days
 K-9 bit him when he took them on a chase
 Back then it was funny we was young and wild
 But this shit hit different because y'all got kids now
 My dog Billy did a nickel
 Did a bid before I met him just a victim of the system
 Ain't too cool to say I missed him
 To my growth was instrumental
 Got me moving like I know it's near
 Fuck dying losing freedom is my only fear
 Yet and still I'm in traffic checking every mirror
 Because if they pull me over I'm facing some years
 Gotdamn
 I'm lost from all the losses I done took
 My dogs got caught they wasn't cautious enough
 So lost from all the losses I done took
 Flowers on your grave
 Money on your books
 Every phone call got me shook
 I know it's bad when it's ringing off the hook
 My heart drops
 I don't even want to look
 I'm traumatized from all these losses I done took
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 From all these losses I done took
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 My soul lost, I'm so lost
 From all these losses I done took