The Book of Nook

Oh, shit, let's play Animal Crossing now
 Come on everybody I'll show you how
 Now listen real close, I'ma tell you the sitch
 Cause my name is Tom Nook and I run this bitch
 Congratulations, you bought a new home
 Oh, you can't afford it? I can give you a loan
 You can catch some bugs till the debt's been paid
 Cause you're the newest member of my slave trade
 That's right motherfucker, this shit got real
 I rule this crossing with my balls of steel
 I also like to rule it with huge ass guns
 And Timmy and Tommy, my giant mongoloid sons
 Kapp'n the turtle's gonna be your new guide
 Who can show you where the people who have crossed me died
 So give me your bells and don't misbehave
 Or I'll get Mr. Resetti to fucking dig you a grave
 Animal Crossing, Animal Crossing is not a place you wanna fuck around
 Now you're in Nook's town
 Where crazy shit goes down
 So sell seashells and make some bells and shut your fucking mouth
 Animal Crossing, Animal Crossing, this is his land
 Now taste the back of his pimp hand
 His balls are brass
 And he's the mayor of your fucking ass
 Damn, that's right, slut
 You got once choice, bow down or get cut
 You better recognize the tanuki tycoon
 And my thug life gang of adorable goons
 My owl assassin with a little bow tie
 You don't matter to Blathers, he'll make your ass die
 He'll tell you 'bout insects, letters and numerals
 And he'll get K.K. to fucking sing at your funeral
 Kicks sells shoes and he doesn't take sass
 And my boots are beautiful when I stomp your ass
 Brewster serves you coffee and scones
 And stabs your neck if you don't pay my loan
 So sell some shit to my alpacas down south
 And if you don't, I'll-pack-a my nuts in your mouth
 You want in this town, you better bring some bells
 Or I'll cock the Glock and fucking send you to hell
 Yeah!
 What, you don't like my prices?
 Then go somewhere else!
 Oh wait, you can't; you're trapped in my town, bitch!
 So go to that island, and catch some beetles, sell them to my alpacas
 Your nuts are on special!