Ozzman

You can come and see my band, as I command
 Heavy metal rhythms from a middle aged man
 Smack my doggies when they crap on the rug
 But then I feel bad because I love that pug
 For years I've peddled, hard rock metal
 Got a dozen lawsuits but I'm hoping to settle
 I go on tour, the fans want more
 I love to throw things at the people next door
 I got kids showing up at all hours of the night
 Can't stand it but I handle it and try to be polite
 Gettin' old before my time thanks to Kelly and Jack
 Arthritis in my knee and a crick in my back
 Now I'm back on the scene 'though some find it obscene
 I'll be rockin' like this till I rupture a spleen
 A lot of dummies get money in a sound-alike band
 But nothing there can compare to the true Ozzman
 I hold the record in Guinness for bat heads finished
 I'm finding new ways to mutilate the Queen's English
 My son wears cammo, he wants live ammo
 I can't allow that or the house'll go kablammo
 I shave my stubble, I don't want trouble
 But the prince of friggin' darkness doesn't need no damn bubbles
 Like where I reside? I'll be your tour guide
 I bought it for a song I wrote about suicide
 The bad boy of rock, not to be mocked
 Move onto my block and you might get shocked
 We might seem weird but that's part of the drill
 We're sane compared to the rest of Beverly Hills
 Woah! Is that Ozzy?
 Uh, huh huh huh. Ozzy's an old fart
 {*both laugh*}
 Yeah, heh heh. Woah, chick it out. A mini-Ozzy
 Huh huh huh, yeah. He's a dork
 Yeah. Um. Hey Butthead. What's all that beeping?
 Uh, I dunno. Maybe there's a truck backing up or something
 Yeah, heh heh. The Ozzmobile! Hehehe
 {*Batman theme*} Du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh
 Ddu-nuh du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh Ozzy!
 Du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh.
 Shut up, assmunch!
 Heh, hmm heh. Sorry 'bout that
 Beavis, check it out! A chick!
 Hm, cool! Uuuum. What's the matter with her hair?
 Uh huh huh. Come to Butthead
 {*both chant Iron Man riff*}
 Long hair I'm brushin', we have a discussion
 And they bleep half the show 'cause we can't stop cussin'
 I crunch a quarter note, I sacrifice a goat
 I watch the weather channel 'cause I can't work the remote
 MTV paid it, our show's the highest rated
 Anna Nicole is just way too sedated
 But sooner or later I'll need a translater
 Mumble like Schwartzenegger in Terminator
 Guitar chord ripper, Perrier sipper
 Walk around the house in my fuzzy bunny slippers
 Flesh like leather, worn and weathered
 Take the blame a lot myself, but we're all in this together
 My kids creations don't cause ovations
 They don't have talent, but they have agents
 Critics wanna diss, fans don't wanna miss
 A lot of networks got a show but it ain't like this
 Jack. Uh huh huh