I Keed

I thought my CD was done
 But that's not what they say
 "Do an insult track, we need it for radio play"
 Cram in the names, I'll take a long hard pee
 Time to mess up the biz like an MP3
 American Idols, that's who I look for
 In the poop section of my local record store
 Ruben or clay, oh which should I pick
 It's like choosing which puddle of vomit to lick
 And when I want something even more fruity and fake
 I look up 'N' for N'Sync or 'T' for Timberlake
 So many skills Justin's making a buck at
 Does he rap? Does he sing? He doesn't know what to suck at
 Now as for the bitches, let's give Britney thanks
 For the face that launched a million pre-teen skanks
 You were a virgin, that had to be hard
 You've had more bones in your mouth than a St. Bernard
 I keed, I keed!
 (He just make a little joke)
 I joke with you!
 (LIttle dog, little joke)
 I keed, I keed!
 (He just make a little joke)
 Yeah, you're a great actress too
 (Little dog, little joke)
 Now let's go to Wal-mart where they won't sell my CD
 That company's nuts are in a jar in aisle 3
 But you can see Christina in all her sluthood
 It's like watching porn but the music's not as good
 I want to stuff my TV's crotch with a dollar
 Still I'd hump you if I could wear my flea collar
 You're looser than my poop after eating Honeydew
 Only 50 Cent's been plugged more than you
 And yet you're too old for Fred Durst to desire
 He's checking out the cast of "Lizzie McGuire"
 Soon Fred will try to get Mandy Moore
 To open for him, and I don't mean on tour
 You're not the first, Durst, poor R Kelly
 His videos premiere at the LAPD
 I believe they set up an innocent guy
 You know what else? I believe I can fly
 I keed, I keed!
 (He just make a little joke)
 I joke with you!
 (LIttle dog, little joke)
 I keed, I keed!
 (He just make a little joke)
 I believe Michael too, yes.
 (Little dog, little joke)
 Now look how friggin cool those guys from the Strokes are
 Their riffs are three times as old as my jokes are
 Hey White Stripes guy, is that your wife or your sister
 Shouldn't you be playing country music, mister?
 Hey Coldplay, maybe you should be Coldsore
 Back when you were U2 I liked you so much more
 Somehow your song "Yellow" reminds me of pee
 I think 'cause when it's over, it's a big relief to me
 Now Pink, is that your hair or a tattoo?
 I didn't know Supercuts had a drive-thru
 Yo Nelly, what kind of name is that?
 That's about as gangsta as an easter bonnet hat
 And Snoop says he's clean now? You make the call
 The guy's higher than Billy Joel's Cholesterol
 Snoop, there's only room for one dog, putz
 And I can rap, can you lick your own nuts?
 Poop Diddy, are you in show business still?
 I didn't know wearing a suit was a skill
 J Lo, J Lo, the giant tail-o
 For a doggy's nose, thst's the Holy Grail-o
 Shakira's butt's fine, but it won't hold still you see
 I sniffed Elton John's tush just for all the history
 I sniffed J-Lo's ass and got too touchy-feely
 She let loose a bomb that was bigger than "Gigli"
 I keed, I keed!
 (He just make a little joke)
 I joke with you
 (Little dog, little joke)
 I keed, I keed!
 (Nothing wrong with your butt)
 I even like... I don't like Affleck
 (Nothing wrong with your butt)
 Avril Lavigne punk queen, now there's a kidder
 Go back north, Celine needs a babysitter
 Philip Glass, atonal ass, you're not immune
 Write a song with a fucking tune
 And on the list of pussies, don't leave off MTV
 I scared them and Eminem so they gave the hook to me
 Slim Shady, why do you find me so scary?
 We're just two regular dudes who banged Mariah Carey
 Wipe off that frown, just do without it
 Hey my mom was a bitch, but I don't go writing songs about it
 I keed, I keed!
 (He just make a little joke)
 I joke with you!
 (Little dog, little joke)
 I keed, I keed!
 (He just make a little joke)
 You know I never meant to hurt you
 (Never meant to make you cry)
 I keed, I keed!
 (He just make a little joke)
 It's a joke you see!
 (Laffy, laffy, laffy, ha, ha)
 Let's stop hating each other
 (He just make a little joke)
 Leave the pooping to me
 (Rock it to me, sock it to me)
 Rock it to me, sock it to me
 Rock it to me, sock it to me
 Rock it to me, sock it I'm a rapping dog
 And I'm here to say
 Rappa rappa rappa
 A tappa huppa huppa
 I kid.