Lick Myself

To be a dog is to sit like a log
 Watching people on the run
 We don't need your pity 'cause your life is shitty
 We have the real fun
 'Cause I can lick myself, got to go
 You guys have fun at the Broadway show
 Lick myself, I'm the star
 You guys have fun at the sushi bar
 Lick myself, eat my ham
 You guys have fun at the poetry slam
 Lick myself, suck and squirt
 You guys have fun at the Beck concert
 They say that man is the higher species
 Because of the opposable thumb
 Well, man, I'll pass on playing guitar
 For the way that I can come
 Yes, I can lick myself, wet my cock
 Have a good time watching Schoolhouse Rock
 Lick myself, taste my dick
 You guys have fun at the Julia flick
 Lick myself, self-fellate
 You guys have fun on your double date
 Lick myself, hydro-wank
 Make sure you chat about Hilary Swank
 So go ahead, man, and rule the world
 And say you're the master race
 You can operate complex machinery
 While I sit on my own face
 I simply lick myself, douse my pole
 You guys have fun at the Cotton Bowl
 Lick myself, soak my meat
 Have a good time at the staff retreat
 Lick myself, wash my tool
 Have a good time at the cooking school
 Lick myself, polish my knob
 You guys have fun with your finger job
 I know an old setter who is a bedwetter
 He's deaf and has brittle hair
 His hip is shot and he pukes a lot
 But he don't fucking care
 He can still lick himself, got to fly
 You guys have fun renting Cable Guy
 Lick myself, grease my rod
 You guys have fun reading Joyce on the quad
 Tell 'em, bitch!
 (female voice) Oh, I couldn't!
 (Triumph) Sing it!
 (female voice) All right!
 Lick myself, munch my rug
 Have a good time in your Volkswagen Bug
 Lick myself, chug my poon
 Try to have fun on your honeymoon
 (Triumph) Lick myself, bathe my balls
 You guys have fun making conference calls
 Lick myself, I'm my own lunch
 Have a good time making pineapple punch
 (female) Lick myself, chew my hair
 Have a good time at the Lilith Fair
 Lick myself, tongue my tang
 Have a good time at your friend's shebang
 (Triumph) Lick myself, slurp my scope
 (together) You guys have fun with your hand, and your bottle of liquid soap!