Misspent Youth

I kiss you and i can taste the girlhood i never had
 I was dead for 26 years
 I feel so, so stupid for waiting
 That i am so close to giving up
 It's ontological fate
 Every transition is done too late
 - - -
 And the boys want her but pretend they don't
 And write her love letters concealed as threats
 And she stops coming to school
 And maybe has a quiet overdose
 And drops out into camming
 And she has a friend like her
 And she's broken too
 But even when we were assaulted,
 Again and again
 It's better to be broken together
 Even death is tolerable if there is truth
 And we're truth
 And i am so scared that all this possible pain
 Is still better than being a corpse in a closet
 Waiting for right moment
 Not for for me, for everybody else
 And even more scared that i did know
 But pretended i didn't
 A safe and slow rot
 Seems good enough
 Right up to the moment of birth
 I wish i always were
 Me
 Because
 Hell is fine if i am woman there too
 And hell is my truth