The Origin of My Depression

Love is not the origin of my depression
 Gender dysphoria is not the origin of my depression
 Poverty is not the origin of my depression
 I try to grasp it
 And every answer fails
 You are not the origin of my depression
 People ignoring me is not the origin of my depression
 Awkward social interactions are not the origin of my depression
 You are not
 The origin
 Failing everything is not the origin of my depression
 Disappearing is not the origin of my depression
 Not eating is not the origin of my depression
 But passing out helps
 It makes me me forget about it
 Your white dress
 I just dont know what it is
 Its nowhere in my room
 Its not stolen by a lover
 Its not ever... its not secret
 I try to think of every possible reason why
 You wouldn't love me
 But i don't know
 I don't know why i don't love
 There is no reason why
 Its aleatory
 You are the origin of my depression
 All the doors are slamming shut
 I used to be so confident
 Your war crimes so adorable
 I miss your white dress
 Every image of
 Is an image not of you