My Whole Family... (live)

(Ladies and gentlemen)
 (Make some noise for Bo Burnham!)
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 (Uh, thanks, um)
 (Welcome to my show, it's called)
 ("If You Sing Along I'll Fucking Kill You")
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 (Uh, this is the song)
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 Everytime I go to dinner
 It seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner
 I'll sit down at the breakfast table
 I can talk, they're not able
 When I look at them, I find
 There's a single question on their mind
 I wish it could go back to the way it was
 It's not easy now, because
 My whole family thinks I'm gay
 I guess it's always been that way
 Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk
 Makes them think I like boys
 That I like boys
 The goddamn question just won't go away
 And, I get asked it every single day
 But the way they ask it is not a disguise
 Like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"
 That's... funny
 This is the worst, baby, this was my fear
 Now, their opinions are crystal-clear, because
 My whole family now is shocked
 I'm in the closet and the door is locked
 Now my glory days are gone
 I was John Elway, now I'm Elton John
 My whole family now suspects
 That watching Spongebob had side-effects
 I'm not gay, and that's what I said
 If I'm gay, hey, God, strike me dead
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 Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow
 Or my favorite color is: the rainbow!
 I don't mean to yell, but I fear I must
 'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust
 Because even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay
 Motherfuc-
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 You all probably think I'm gay
 Man, this song is counterproductive
 La-la-la-la-la
 Because my whole family thinks I'm gay
 What do they know anyway?
 You gotta look right through the haze
 Easy-Bake Oven was just a phase
 My whole family thinks I'm queer
 That is all I ever hear
 But I've been as straight as a ramp
 If you don't count Bible camp
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 (Thanks for coming out, uh)
 (Hey, so, those ASU girls are pretty hot)
 (Any of you, any of you?)
 (Okay, this isn't a great example, but, um)
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 (I'm just kidding, it's, you're in the dark)
 (I couldn't see you, I bet you're gorgeous)
 (In the dark)
 (You like my shirt?) (Yeah)
 (Um, back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid)
 (Well, that, and faggot)