Rehab Center For Fictional Characters

Uh, well, hello everyone
 Um, welcome to the rehab center for fictional characters
 Umm, alright
 Let's get right to it
 Who wants to start us off?
 How about you Chris?
 Umm, alright
 Hey, I'm Chris Cringle
 I'm a sex addict
 Hey I'm Santa Clause, I'm the king of snow
 I hate my wife because she is a ho, ho, ho
 She used to please me every day
 Then she made it clear
 That Santa's only supposed to come once a year
 Fuckin' bitch
 Now I buy whores, rock and roll
 And I stuff their stockings with my north pole
 Okay Chris, thank you
 Alright, who's up next?
 Patrick, frowny face
 Get up here
 Alright
 I'm Patrick O'Riley
 I'm a leprechaun
 You all doin' good?
 Yeah, I'm not doing so good
 I had a wonderful life, with a healthy household
 And a beautiful wife, and a pot full of gold
 Ha!
 Then my wife spent my riches all by herself
 And since women are bitches, blew a Keebler elf
 Uh
 Now I drink all day and a part of me dies
 'Cause my wife is getting gang-banged by the Rice Krispie guys
 Hey I know them
 Oh, Tony
 Nice of you to show up
 Where were you last week?
 I had some stuff
 Hey, I'm Tony the tiger
 Uh, fuck it I'll just sing
 Every day I wake up, I get to work late
 My boss says, 'Hey, whats up?'
 I say that I'm growing tired of this shit
 The kids they laugh, 'cause I'm a sensitive cat
 'Big pussy!'
 I can't argue with that
 If another kid gives me frosted flakes
 I swear on my life, I'll eat his parents
 Okay Tony, thank you
 Umm, so that's everybody
 So let's just get down to it
 Umm oh, who are you?
 Hi yeah, hi yeah, hi yeah
 I'm the easter bunny
 Hey I'm back!
 Used to be funny now I'm hooked on crack
 Heaps of heroine ain't no joke
 Marshmallow peeps covered in coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke
 Coke!
 Drugs for life, that's my plan
 But now I have no attention span
 Okay, I'm going to go and get him, alright?
 You guys just please play nice please, alright?
 I'll be back in a second, okay?
 Hey Pat did you hear, all my elves got sick
 I think they got herpes from some Irish chick
 Motherfucker
 What are you laughin' at Tony
 I don't know it's uh
 It's funny, um
 This is getting ridiculous
 Santa, Tony would you guys please stop?
 Oh Snap
 Crackle and pop
 Haha, 'cause they banged your wife
 I'm getting out of here
 This is fucking ridiculous