A Colour I’m Blind To

As I look around
 I would have thought by now
 That I would be closer
 To feeling something somehow
 Surely there's a reason I've been
 Waking up from dreams without direction
 Could it be that I forgot
 What it was like to be whole;
 Without this constant looming doubt?
 I would have thought by now
 That I would be closer
 To feeling something, somehow
 Knowing it extends so far beyond
 Perceptions so vague to me
 It's like a colour I'm blind to
 That I thought I'd see by now
 But nothing I feel is real to me
 Why should I care?
 There's failure ahead of me
 I know for sure
 But we can't go backwards;
 Learn from your mistakes
 You spend weeks in your cage
 Just to walk in circles
 Waiting for a change
 Sometimes I feel that my conscience has healed
 But I know that it's just imitation
 And I hope that I have limitations
 One day we'll see
 With the thoughts in my head
 And my head in my hands
 To put it in words is a means to an end
 But now
 I would believe in anything
 That brings you back to me
 I would have thought by now
 That I would be closer
 To feeling something somehow
 Knowing it extends far beyond
 My sick lack of empathy
 Like a colour I'm blind to
 That I thought I'd see by now
 But nothing I feel
 Is real to me