Ready Set, Not Yet

Look at this crib
 In all of its glorious antiquary
 Every curve and surface speaks to me
 Saying pamper and spoil me
 Sand me and oil me
 Come on
 I know to the untrained eye it's boring
 But nothing's a chore when you're restoring
 Apart from frustration, pain, and financial drain
 It's fun!
 Folks say Adam
 Why do you polish your crib when you don't have a kid?
 And even if you did have a kid
 This crib is too precious for placing a baby inside it
 So it simply exists to remind you
 Your sense of perfection is just a reflection that
 You are not mentally prepared to make room for a kid
 Adam, why don't you live?
 Adam, just make a start
 Are you willing to take the next step?
 Ready, set
 Ready, set
 Look at these jugs!
 Amazingly glazed and terracotta-ery
 I took some clay and made you pottery
 The world will never wreck you
 I'll protect you in a mother's embrace
 Folks say, Barbara
 Why can't you see that ceramics is
 Simply a manifestation of motherly panic
 By making a baby that's breakable
 Aren't you creating a way of translating the
 Terror of making maternal mistakes into clay
 Hiding away so you don't have to face being a bad mom
 Barbara
 That's what you've done, Barbara
 Just make a start
 Are you willing to take the next step?
 Ready, set
 Here we stand
 At the end of a 10-year plan
 A house, a yard, a minivan
 A baby should be next
 Together let's leap off the cliff
 Fall forever, then smash to bits
 Trapped in a terrifying viper pit
 Of diapers and regret
 Are we willing to take the next step?
 Ready, set
 Ready, set
 Not yet
 Not yet
 Why rush?
 Why rush?
 Soon enough, our hopes and our dreams will be crushed
 But not yet!
 Not yet!
 Not now
 Not now
 Ooohh?
 No!
 See?
 We can't start a family in a house with creaky floorboards
 You are absolutely right
 Let's add it to the list
 With the cracks in the plaster
 The wi-fi should be faster
 This sofa needs a castor
 The bathroom's a disaster!
 What about global poverty?
 What about world peace?
 Then there's the whole darn economy
 The whole Middle East
 We should learn Mandarin
 Yeah!
 Or Spanish at least
 No habla español
 Dos cervezas por favor
 And that's all we got
 And that's not a lot
 Do we want a bilingual household or not?
 So let's go slow
 No breaking a sweat
 What's the point of having children
 If we're drowning in debt?
 Now we're totally
 Completely
 Maybe eighty percent
 I'd say seventy-eight
 Ready to take
 The next step (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah Yeah!)
 The next step (Zooby dooby dooby, dooby dop and bow!)
 The next step (Zweeby, beeby, boo-bah-bah-dee!)
 The next step
 Ready, set let's
 See I wasn't kidding
 It's a show about death!