Dreams

When I was 5, I wanted to be a Star Wars character
 I would bounce around the walls and use the force to control all
 Yoda would visit me and I would smile at him and then we'd defeat the Sith
 See, I didn't need anyone to play with because I was happy with myself
 The lightsabers, imaginary wars, and pretend heroism
 When I was 8, I wanted to be a soldier
 So I wrote stories about great adventures fighting a war
 And through my words, I soared high above burning landscapes
 And kept my people safe
 I mean, it didn't matter who I was fighting as long
 As I was fighting because that's what a hero did
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 I wanted to be a hero, and I wanted to save everybody around me
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 When I was 11, I wanted to be a comedian
 So I cracked jokes to pass the time and I wouldn't ever rhyme
 And I would force my parents to listen to the same jokes over
 And over, and over, and over, and over until it was told just right
 God I love them because they would laugh even after the thousandth time
 And I would smile and hug them as my heart grew full from the sound of their chuckles
 I mean, I just wanted to make them happy
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 When I was 14, I wanted to be a mountain biker
 I wanted to zoom past hikers, discover new worlds, and find myself
 I longed for dirt paths leading to nowhere
 I yearned for a concrete jungle just waiting to be explored
 I wished to be isolated in nature with nothing but the trees around me
 And also with all of my friends
 I mean, I wanted to find myself while searching the woods for answers
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 So I sit and I think to myself of everything I ever wanted to be
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 And how no matter what how I feel that I will never be happy with, with just being me
 Because now instead of wanting to be a hero
 I desperately want someone to be a hero and save me from my own mind
 And instead of wanting to defeat the Sith
 I want to defeat the Darth Vader that lives inside the Anakin Skywalker of my mind
 And to replace my want to be a soldier is a want
 To end my own mental country and use bullets to do so
 And instead of wanting to tell jokes and make people laugh I just want them to hear me
 But they can't hear me over their laughter because I don't know how to breathe
 I don't know how to sing, I wish I knew how to sing
 Because maybe if it sounded pretty they would hear me
 Maybe if it formed a melody they would hear my plea but they won't
 Because now I want my mountain bike to crash
 I don't want to explore the dirt, I want to be buried in it
 I still want to find myself but I want to find it my way
 I don't want them telling me, directing me, instructing me
 Pulling the corners of my mouth up in a crooked smile like
 I'm a puppet and they're the masters
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 I just want to find what I'm seeking after
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 Because trust me, I still want to be a hero, and I still want to get the girl
 I just want to be remembered and I want to be sure
 That when I throw myself off this building like Superman waiting to fly
 That hopefully no one I love will shed too many tears and cry
 Because I just want to be a hero
 I dream to be a hero and when I don't grow up
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 I want to be a hero