Inquiring Minds

You got a kid, I got a kid
 Are you gonna tell him the things you did?
 Tell him the truth about your sorted youth
 If he wants to know, did you do blow
 Did you get high and listen to the stereo?
 "Pops, when's the first time you did a drug crime?"
 I smoked my first joint on my 11th birthday
 "In high school exams, how'd you stay up to read?"
 The kid across the street dealt me excellent speed
 "Were classes as boring as mine are today?"
 Eh, most of the time I was trippin', so I really can't say
 "And dad, let's see how truthful you are
 You ever hide behind the wheel of a car?"
 Man, I thought I was flyin' a 747
 When I sold that car, I think they scraped it for resin
 "And dad, you courted mom, how'd you make her your own?"
 Ah, we drank a lot of vodka and we do methadone
 So when he ask me 'bout my past and did I get high
 I've been seriously thinkin' about my reply
 I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna lie
 I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna lie
 "Dad, did you ever do drugs?"
 No way
 
 "And dad, did you ever do it with any woman besides mom?
 Did you ever see that Fellini movie "Satyricon"?"
 I was 13 the first time, so good I couldn't speak
 They should've wrapped me in a Hefty bag and drained me once a week
 "And dad, what's the kinkiest that you ever got?"
 There was a mother and daughter upstate that were crazy, stupid hot
 There was this girl, and her dog, we won't get into that
 There was a three dominatrixes in a one-room flat
 Couple times in a church pew was a heavenly thing
 And there was a girl named Ruth in the booth of a Burger King
 My wife's eatin' a hole through me with her evil eye
 My kids got inquiries and they want an honest reply
 I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna lie
 I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna lie
 "Dad, did you have premarital sex?"
 No way
 Now come the tough questions that he's gonna ask
 All prosecutors save the hard stuff for last
 "Dad, did you ever steal from the store when you didn't have the bucks?"
 From what I remember, most of the stuff just fell off the trucks
 "And dad, did you ever own a gun?"
 It wasn't like I had a license for one
 "And dad, did you ever steal an automobile for fun?"
 The owners wouldn't want it when we'd got done
 "And dad, I heard you bartended in a place that dealt crack"
 We just makin' sure our clientele would come back
 He wants the truth, I look him in the eye
 I set a good example, I'm that kinda guy
 I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna lie
 I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna lie
 "Dad, did you ever do anything bad?"
 Fuck no