Car Crash

It was problematic at best to perceive existence
 Through the myopic lens I embedded into myself
 The lack of gestures limited the effectiveness of my delivery
 And all she begged for was deliverance
 Soft, eloquent passages that provided closure
 Not answers, just closure
 I somehow fashioned together an array of broken glass
 And that looked enough like a vase that it would pass
 And she would accept it
 And have a way to keep her roses watered and alive again
 But I was broken, prized among the lackluster thieves
 Immune to pain and pain by immunity
 She beckoned me, she lessened me
 Because no other love would accommodate my blindfold so easily
 And I was afraid of change
 But I was afraid of not changing
 And I was afraid of change
 But I was afraid of not changing
 A quick flood of blood infecting my brain
 Dashboard you, dashboard blank slate
 My narrow lens no longer mattered, no longer weighed in
 And neither did your fear, or your insecurities, or your smile
 That moment, three seconds of uncertainty, fate circumvented a concrete divider
 Followed by six seconds of nervous prayer, nervous cursing, nervous something
 Just as poisonous as the snake, it came from
 The oppression presented my lies, those Godforsaken lies
 Limited me even more
 Seven seconds of promising myself
 Promising myself that if I survived
 I would stop bargaining, I would stop pushing off effort in exchange for more time
 I would stop neglecting civil spiritual and personal duties or promises
 One or the other, they both seemed likely at that point
 Two seconds; the longest two seconds I've ever experienced of lying to myself
 Lying to my God and lying to you
 The words "I promise" seemed so trite, so inaccurate
 Sirens ended the charade and began the investigation
 Seated on the cold end of a wooden table
 I shouted, "This is who I was but not who I am"
 I assured them, mistakes were to be made, but lessons were to be learned
 I always thought that's what life was
 Just a collection of moments intended for lessons
 Or a collection of lessons looking for moments to fulfill them
 So foolish a passenger caught up in this accident
 Nothing mattered beyond the fact
 That I was broken and hurting and damaged physically
 And I praise God that I was a survivor
 That's when I heard the fate of the driver
 Three seconds later, closure, not answers
 Just closure
 Lost in the wreckage is a soul ascended, I loved you
 Lost in the wreckage is a soul ascended, I love you
 And every day, I wish we could trade places