New In Town

I have a lot of strange interactions on the street.
 Years ago I was walking down the street and
 a homeless guy came up to me
 And he walked up to me and he pushed me,
 like that, he pushed me in the chest
 And then he said these things, in this order, he pushed me and he said:
 "Excuse me"
 "I am homeless"
 "I am gay"
 "I have aids"
 "I'm new in town"
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 You're gonna close with new in town?
 That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said
 As they say in the movie, Jerry McGuire;
 "You had me at aids."
 Here's how I would've ordered those things
 I would've said:
 "Excuse me"
 "I'm new in town"
 "And it gets worse"
 Didn't that guy practice his like
 Pitch at all in the mirror that morning?
 And just figure out what he was gonna say?
 You know?
 Just like in the morning just be like
 "Alright what am I gonna do today... what am I gonna do today?
 Alright I'll walk up and say hello
 No that's too subtle
 I'm gonna push him
 I'ma push him
 And I'm gonna say, "I'm new in town"
 No no, hold back, hold back
 Save it
 Build to that
 How about I go walk up to him
 I'll push him
 I'll go, "I have aids"
 No that's too strong
 Alright now
 I'm gonna walk up to him
 I'm gonna push him
 I will start with the fact that I am homeless
 As that is a given
 Then for a back story I will pepper in the fact that I am gay
 Which I know its tough for gay youth on the streets
 But thats not like a reason for money
 You can't be like
 "Hey, would you help me out?
 I am very gay, I'd like a few dollars."
 I always loved how he phrased it by the way
 He didn't say
 "I'm living on the street"
 He said
 "I'm new in town"
 Like it was intriguing
 Like he wanted me to set him up with somebody
 Like I have a friend who's like
 "There's no single guys left in Manhattan!"
 And I'm like
 "I know someone who's new in town"
 "What are three other things about him?"