Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
 Sure
 Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
 Uh huh
 Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster
 Right
 You're both Monsters
 Yeah
 Are you two related?
 What? Princeton I'm surprised at you, I find that racist
 Oh, well, I'm sorry, I was just asking
 Well, it's a touchy subject
 No, not all monsters are related
 What are you trying say, huh?
 That we all look the same to you?
 Huh, huh, huh?
 No, no, no, oh, not at all
 I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist
 I should say so
 You should be much more careful
 When you're talking about the sensitive subject of race
 Well, look who's talking
 What do you mean?
 What about that special Monster school you told me about?
 What about it?
 Could someone like me go there?
 No, we don't want people like you
 Ha ha ha ha ha, you see?
 You're a little bit racist
 Well, you're a little bit too
 I guess we're both a little bit racist
 Admitting it is not an easy thing to do
 But I guess it's true
 Between me and you
 I think everyone's a little bit racist sometimes
 Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes
 Look around and you will find
 No one's really color blind
 Maybe it's a fact we all should face
 Everyone makes judgments based on race
 No, not big judgments, like who to hire
 Or who to buy a newspaper from
 No
 No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
 Busboys should learn to speak goddamn English
 Right
 Everyone's a little bit racist today
 So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay
 Ethnic jokes might be uncouth
 But you laugh because they're based on truth
 Don't take them as personal attacks
 Everyone enjoys them, so relax
 All right, stop me if you've heard this one
 Okay
 Alright there's a plan going down
 And there's only one parachute
 And there's a Rabbi, a priest
 And a black guy
 Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?
 Uh
 You were telling a black joke
 Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes
 I don't
 Well, of course you don't, you're black
 But I bet you tell polack jokes, right?
 Well, sure I do, those stupid polacks, ha ha ha
 Now, don't you think that's a little racist?
 Well, damn, I guess you're right
 You're a little bit racist
 Well, you're a little bit too
 We're all a little bit racist
 I think that I would have to agree with you
 We're glad you do
 It's sad but true
 Everyone's a little bit racist, all right
 All right
 All right
 All right
 Bigotry has never been
 Exclusively white
 If we all could just admit
 That we are racist a little bit
 Even though we all know that it's wrong
 Maybe it would help us get along
 Oh, Christ do I feel good?
 Now there was a fine upstanding black man
 Who?
 Jesus Christ
 But, Gary, Jesus was white
 No, Jesus was black
 No, Jesus was white
 No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black
 Guys, guys, Jesus was jewish
 Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
 Racism
 Cool
 Brian come back here
 You take out lecycuraburs
 What's that mean?
 Um, recyclables
 Hey, don't laugh at her
 How many languages do you speak?
 Oh, come off it, Brian
 Everyone's a little bit racist
 I'm not
 Oh no?
 Nope
 How many oriental wives
 Have you got?
 What? Brian
 Brian, buddy, where you been?
 The term is Asian-American
 I know you are no intending to be
 But calling me oriental, offensive to me
 I'm sorry, honey, I love you
 And I love you
 But you're racist, too
 Yes, I know
 The Jews have all the money
 And the whites have all the power
 And I'm always in taxi cab
 With driver who no shower
 Me too
 Me too
 I can't even get a taxi
 Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true
 But everyone is just about as racist as you
 If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit
 And everyone stopped being so P.C.
 Maybe we could live in harmony
 Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist