If You Were Gay

Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book
 'Broadway Musicals of the 1940s'
 No roommate to bother me
 How could it get any better than this?
 Oh, "Hi Rod", "Hi Nicky", hey Rod
 You'll never guess what happened to me
 On the subway this morning
 This guy was smiling at me and talking to me
 That's very interesting
 He was being real friendly
 And I think he was coming on to me
 I think he might've thought I was gay
 So, wa, why are you telling me this?
 Why should I care? I don't care
 What did you have for lunch today?
 Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Rod
 I'm not getting defensive
 What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
 I'm trying to read
 Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod
 I just think it's something we should be able to talk about
 Well, I don't want to talk about it Nicky!
 This conversation is over! Yeah, but Rod, Over!
 Well, okay, but just so you know?
 If you were gay, that'd be okay I mean 'cause, hey
 I'd like you anyway
 Because you see if it were me
 I would feel free to say that I was gay
 But I'm not gay, Nicky please, I am trying to read
 What?
 If you were queer, ah Nicky, I'd still be here
 Nicky, I'm trying to read this book, year after year
 Nicky, because you're dear to me, aah
 And I know that you, what? Would accept me too
 I would? If I told you today, 'hey, guess what, I'm gay!'
 But I'm not gay
 I'm happy just being with you, high button shoes, Pal Joey
 So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?
 Nicky, that is gross, no it's not
 If you were gay, I'd shout hooray I am not listening
 And here I'd stay, la la la la la
 But I wouldn't get in your way, aah
 You can count on me to always be beside you every day
 To tell you it's okay, you were just born that way
 And, as they say it's in your D.N.A, you're gay
 I'm not gay, if you were gay, aah