The End of the Universe

One of the reasons I'm glad to be back in Atlanta is;
 since I was here last time,
 I made an extraordinary discovery that I really want to share with you
 It's kind of overwhelming
 Much more so than the discovery that N Sync was gay
 You see I travel a lot,
 and the fact of the matte is
 in my travels I
 i
 found something that changed the way I look at things
 From the beggining of time, man, has looked at the heavens,
 and firmly believed that the universe ends out in space
 It's not true
 The end of the universe happens to be in the United States
 I HAVE SEEN IT
 and, oddly enough
 it's in Huston, Texas
 I know... I know... I was shocked too
 I left the comedy club there and walked down the street.
 On one corner there was a Starbucks.
 And across the street
 from the Starbucks
 in the exact same building as that Starbucks,
 was a Starbucks
 At first I thought the sun was playing tricks with my eyes
 but no
 there was a Starbucks
 across from a Starbucks
 and that
 my friends
 is the end of the universe
 people have said to me
 how do you know
 and I said
 go there
 stand between those two Starbuks
 look at your watch
 time
 stands still.
 And if you turn this way,
 and look just at this Starbucks, imidiately you think
 "you know when I turn around
 there can not possibly be a Starbucks behind me"
 No one would have been that stupid to have built a Starbucks across from a Starbucks
 and if there was a just and loving god
 he wouldn't allow THAT KNIND OF SHIT TO GO DOWN
 so you turn slowly thinking
 "Well, I'll see a Gap or a Denny's, maybe even a Mobile station"
 BUT THERE'S A STARBUCKS!!
 What do you think the man was thinking
 who stood in the empty line
 and looked across the street the Starbucks that was already built
 when he turned to his wife and kinds and said,
 "you know, I have a vision."
 I'm gonna build a Starbucks
 across from the Starbucks
 {son}:"Why would you do that daddy?"
 {father to son}: "Because it'll be the end of the Universe, YOU LITTLE SHIT"
 I've pondered long and hard
 as to what group of people might need a service like that.
 I mean a Starbucks across from a Starbucks
 and there's only one group of people
 that would need that
 and that group
 and there must be a large number of those there
 are people with Alzheimer's
 Don't go 'oh'
 You can't go 'oh'
 It has to be Alzheimer's
 okay?
 It's the only group that makes the joke work
 okay?
 What if I said
 "oh, there must have been a large amount of Jews there"
 You would have gone,
 "What the fuck is he talking about?"
 Oh the Irish
 they love their coffee beans
 IT'S ALZHEIMER'S
 It has to be a group that has to sit there and drink coffe
 and then get up,
 walk to the door
 You see what I see?
 "Son of a bitch it's a Starbucks"
 "I think it's time we had a cup of Jo"