it's not getting easier

You made me feel nauseous
 I keep getting sick
 Can't remember where it started
 Can't forget all that you did to me
 You tasted so bittersweet
 I still see you every time I sleep
 I gave you every part of me, I bet you couldn't tell
 I fall in love with narcissists, don't care about myself
 I just go through sedatives, keep fucking up my health
 What's the point of Heaven? I already live in Hell
 It's not getting easier, I'll lie and say it is
 I gave up on getting better, it's just the way it is
 I've been feeling numb ever since I was a kid
 I don't wanna die but I don't wanna try and live
 It's not getting easier, I'll lie and say it is
 I gave up on getting better, it's just the way it is
 I've been feeling numb ever since I was a kid
 I don't wanna die but I don't wanna try and live
 I said that I loved you (Save me)
 I gave you the blood from my skin
 I tried everything, admit it
 It's hard but I did
 You left me too damaged
 This time it won't fix
 I'm calling for you, are you with someone else?
 The pics on my phone are nowhere to be found
 Would it surprise you if I took myself?
 I might just die here when no one's around
 But I made a choice that I regret
 Stomp out the house from what I said
 Now it's too late to apologize
 Fumbled my words, I guess this is goodbye
 ♪
 I wish I did better, thinking all the time
 But it's whatever, see you in the next life
 I'm trying to forget her, but God it feels impossible
 Now she's just a number floating in my phone
 I wish I did better, thinking all the time
 I don't make any sense and it makes me wanna cry
 But I look like I'm stupid and she say that it's fine
 Girl you're pretty funny, tell another lie, woah