Suck a Bag of Dicks

Hey this is interesting
 The other day a guy told me to suck a bag of dicks
 That was interesting, I never heard that before
 Total stranger told me to suck a bag of dicks
 Whole bag of 'em
 He was angry, he didn't just you know, suck a bag of dicks, like a greeting
 Oh suck a bag of dicks to you too sir thank you very much
 You know it's a lovely day for sucking several bags of dicks
 Now what happened was that I cut him off in traffic
 Because it's one of things where I just I had to get in and no one was in my car to judge me
 And I just fucking you know
 I just decided, he's not me so I don't care what happens to him
 And I just put him off and it was a shitty thing to do
 And he was back 'cause he was coming fast
 'Cause he didn't imagine in a million years could be that big of an asshole
 And so I did it, he had to slam on his brake
 And his dog went pfft in the windshield
 It was really very bad, very bad
 And the worst part is when you call people out
 They don't vanish, they are behind you now so
 Looking back and his like fucking asshole
 He's so mad and he keeps trying to get next to me
 'Cause he just wants to see my fucking face
 He just dying, he's like I gotta see this cocksucker now
 I gotta see the fucking face of the piece of shit that did that to me
 And I keep cutting him off, 'cause I don't want him to see
 I'm ashamed of what I did
 No, nope you don't
 Finally we got to a red light and I gotta face him
 Only 'cause there was a car in front of me, otherwise I'd have fucking blown right through there
 But there is, just fucking furious
 And I'm there like I know it was awful
 I shouldn't have done that
 Yeah I'm not mad, I was wrong
 Why would I be mad
 And he's like, fuck you
 And he starts going like this 'cause he wants me to roll my window down like
 I'm supposed to take part in my own abuse during this argument
 You know, well I'm sorry, I don't wanna miss this
 What do you have to say about me yes
 How rude of me to shut out your anger with my
 So I did, I rolled it down, I'm interested
 And he goes, hey asshole
 And I'm like yeah
 He said suck a bag of dicks
 And then he drove away
 And I was kinda sad that he drove away
 Because I had a lot of questions
 That concept of sucking a bag of dicks
 It's just weird
 Like first of all when you picture a bag of dicks
 What do you see when you picture a bag of dicks?
 Is it like a plastic bag and they're all mushing together like chicken parts
 We got a date written on it with sharpie
 Keep it in the freezer
 Or is it like a paper bag in there sticking all like bagels
 Kinda like you went shopping
 Bringing home a bag of dicks for the kids
 Here you go Suzy, take a blue one
 You can keep it right there hanging in the window somewhere
 Give me two of those
 And how do you suck a bag of dicks
 What does he want me to do
 Does he want me to take a bag of dicks and suck it
 Like suck the side of the bag or does he want me to open the bag
 And suck each dick individually
 And throw the used ones in a bowl like in a mermaid shell, like that
 So I have to make them all cum
 You know like how
 I don't know I never even sucked one dick
 So it's not an area that I understand
 I've never sucked a dick
 Isn't that weird?
 I've never sucked a dick, my whole life
 That's weird to me, it is, it's weird
 Because almost everybody has sucked a dick
 When you think about it
 Most people on earth suck dicks, it's true
 Because fifty one percent of the population are women and they suck dicks
 And there's all the gay guys that suck dicks
 Then there's all the straight guys who have been forced to suck a dick under various circumstances
 So what if there's only like a thousand of us out there
 Who never blew anyone
 Just a bunch of selfish assholes that are fucking getting blown
 And not blowing back you know
 It's like that's what people do, we all fucking suck dicks
 You know I haven't done it
 And I don't have like a big reason not to either
 I don't have a policy against sucking a dick
 It's not something I'm against doing
 I just have never seen a dick I wanted to suck
 That's really what it comes down to
 I've never seen a penis that inspired me to suck it
 Every dick I've ever seen has bumped me out
 I hate 'em, I hate 'em
 They ruin my day when I see 'em
 But that's just so far
 I mean how the fuck do I know
 There might be, this guy right here might have a beautiful dick
 This guy, if I saw his dick
 I might go, aw fuck that shit's going into my mouth right now
 And I just fucking, and I'd have to blown him
 Fucking hold him down and blow him
 That's the kind of, I would be like rape blow people
 That's what I like, hold the guy down and blow him
 Despite him, that's the kind of shit I would do, just to you know
 I'm just saying, I'm not prejudice
 I haven't seen that many, there's billions
 Literally billions of dicks in the world
 And I've seen like forty at the most
 So how the fuck would I know
 Well is that too many
 I think, yeah that's too many right
 Forty, Jesus Christ
 Not even thirty nine
 That's a dick a year, plus another one
 Why am I say forty
 That's a lot
 That's like two bags of dicks right there
 At least forty dicks, right
 I never understood people judging people for the way they have sex
 Some people get angry at homosexual
 Just for being gay, they get mad at them argh!
 I never really understood that
 You like, because they're just having sex with each other
 Like I can understand if gay people were just running out in the street
 Just fucking people in the ass willy nilly
 Just like a pestilence
 Like without asking, you know
 Like you're at the ATM, hey what the fuck
 God damnit, some faggot just fucked me right in the ass seriously
 Fucking right through my pants
 He fucking ruined my new pants
 Just fucking bullshit
 Another one God damnit, I gotta get the fuck home
 This is ridiculous
 But they generally don't that, so I don't know what the fucking problem is
 People get mad, they don't wanna
 Don't get married, well you don't have to go to the wedding
 What the fuck, you don't have to buying 'em anything
 It doesn't matter
 Some people go like well then our guy will marry his dog
 Good, fuck then I hope he blows his dog
 Who gives a shit, it doesn't matter
 It doesn't have any effect on your life, why the fuck do you care
 Or people that they to think they talk about, they think is a social issue
 Like when you saw someone stand up on a talkshow
 And say like, how am I supposed to explain to my child
 That's two men are getting married
 I don't know it's your shitty kid, you fucking tell 'em
 Why is that anyone else's problems
 Two guys are in love but they can't get married
 'Cause you don't wanna talk to your ugly child
 For fucking five minutes
 Fucking cares about your shitty kid
 He's probably a faggot anyway
 How stupid is that alright, stupid
 I don't know, the only thing that about me up
 Is that you're not supposed to laugh at gay people when they're funny
 'Cause sometimes they just, oh they're funny
 Like I lived in New York for a lot of my life
 And in my neighborhood everybody was gay
 And you know some guys are just a guy walking down the street
 But some gay guys are a guy in little short
 And a half shirt and you know combat boots
 Spray pants, green and whistle
 And he's standing in the corner like hello fucking hot fudge
 That's not a stereotype, those guys fucking exist like a thousands
 And when I see them I laugh really loud
 I just do, people be like don't laugh at him 'cause he's gay
 No I'm not, I'm laughing 'cause he's fucking weird and silly
 He's hilarious
 How am I supposed to react, hello
 Hello yes seriousness is yes
 It's stupid