Racial Issues

Those racial issues are difficult to discuss even
 my mother has trouble in her phone messages -- (Boop)
 Hi, it's mommy.
 Hi it's mommy, hi it's mommy, hi it's mommy, hi...
 DON'T MARRY A WHITE MAN.
 (Boop)
 I almost married this Irish-American guy
 and we got really close to getting married.
 I even went down to meet his family
 and they lived in Sarasota, Florida.
 And I was really worried before we went there I asked him,
 I said, "Are there gonna be any
 Asian people there?" And he was like "No"
 And I said, "Okay,
 could you just drop me off at the dry cleaner then?"
 'Cause I don't want to be the only one!
 Like I love his family but they were kind of too nice to me so the
 whole time I felt like, "Oh, this is my host famiry.
 I come to America. America is number one.
 It's number one. Sank you, mister Eddie's fatha."
 It's the most long-duck-dong experience.
 Although it's difficult to be the only Asian person around a bunch of
 white people, I think it's way worse to be the only white person
 around a bunch of Asian people because we will talk shit about you
 right to your face. "Your eye is too big! Why your eye so big??
 Your eye like this it like this like this!
 Why your eye it like this it like this??
 Your eye is like this! Are you going to catch a fly with your eye??"
 "Oh so you are too tall. You too tall!"
 "He look like God-Zirra. Godzirra!"
 I deal with something racial everyday. Something every day.
 I was walking down the street and this guy
 goes "Me so horny." Everyday it's something.
 I was skiing in Deer Valley and there was no people of color up
 there, and I'm up there skiing,
 trying to fit in like an asshole.
 And I have an instructor and he goes,
 "Hey, don't take this the wrong way but
 you have a tendency to bow in to your skies."
 "Fuck you!"
 And then I fell.
 So, eventually it was decided that
 America's first Asian-American family was too Asian.
 So they fired all of the Asians except for me and Amy Hill,
 the woman who played grandma.
 She and I would stare at each other like "One of us is going down!"