Mansion House

I embark on an expansion soused
 To the party held at Mansion House
 I expunge the details of my latest jape
 As the cane holds up my great escape
 The waiter's clape is filled with jam
 Just like my inbox killed with spam
 With ketchup, just as mother made
 Not? But another grade
 Whose credentials never made the silver screen
 My dear, you're like a milf in green
 Like the Clapham Common grass
 Where you parked your ample arse
 Beneath your tweed-knit A-line skirt
 From which I picked the spaniel dirt
 And threw it at a scuttling mouse
 Before we changed for Mansion House
 As the avenue fills with scrotes and tykes
 I drive away sadly on my motorbike
 If you wish for a place to park your derriere
 I know a delightful little pied-à-terre
 Where we can take tea and drvilled kidneys
 The proprietor's name is Sidney
 He hid me, when I had to flee
 From that Hot'n'Tot who gave me VD
 At the BBC when my play was declined
 I gave them a piece of my mind
 To the bar I then resigned
 Only to find comfort of a different kind
 So to the powder room with trepidation
 I failed to live up to my reputation
 She sighed and hitched her Nylon tights
 As I drove away sadly on my motorbike
 (I assure you, that's not how it usually happens)
 And so to the party at Mansion House
 The waiter served me Famous Grouse
 "My good man!" I said as he gave a slow gurn
 "Fetch me at once a glass of Coburns!"
 This stuff may be fine for the Great Unwashed
 Or those who see themselves as posh
 I see that something must be fixed here
 I yearn for the taste of the sweet elixir
 A thick ear's threatened but to my surprise
 The refreshment wish is realised
 I apologised that I may have ranted
 And the sweet sherry is at haste decanted
 I resolved to give the chap a tip
 Until I'm grabbed by the lapel and hip
 And I'm thrust outside to shouts, "A rouse!"
 From the party at Mansion House