You Just Can't

As we slide down the razor blade of life these days,
 In many ways the malaise of modern life betrays
 The many wonders that abound and in equal ways confound
 There's so much a chap can do that needn't cost a pound
 One can natter to a flapper down under As a matter of course until one's hoarse
 Or call any resource
 One can fly off to the colonies for gentlemanly bonhomie
 But if the colonials bother me I can order up a bombing spree Theatrical productions at the mere push of a button
 Or simply move your house if you don't want to live in Sutton These days one can do just what one pleases
 (Buy exotic cheeses, catch exotic diseases)
 Enough pornography on tap to fairly kill a chap
 But do take heed because it all could be a trap
 I can tell by the gormless grin on your face
 That you think the modern world is a wonderful, wonderful place But you just...
 Can't rape a goat these days
 You'll have the authorities at your throat
 You just can't rape a goat these days
 You'll be in trouble in so many ways
 Confuse a billy or a nanny
 For a willy or a fanny
 And you'll have the local papers in a rage (Can't rape a goat these days
 If the public note what you did to that goat
 You'll have the authorities at your throat
 You just can't rape a goat these days
 You'll be in trouble in so many ways
 Confuse a billy or a nanny
 For a willy or a fanny
 And you'll have the local papers in a rage)
 These days dirty little secrets never last
 Now that privacy is a thing of the past
 The merest misdemeanour can be seen upon a screen
 Where people know what you have done
 And they know where you have been
 A fart or a log will be part of a blog
 Before your hands are washed and you emerge from the fog The cogs of the machine force one to keep it clean
 (Watch your step when you strap on the naughty trampoline) Freedom of speech is not freedom of expression
 When the line's been breached you should learn a lesson
 When the farmer come with his big shotgun then run
 Because you just...
 Can't rape a goat these days
 You'll have the authorities at your throat
 You just can't rape a goat these days
 You'll be in trouble in so many ways
 Confuse a billy or a nanny
 For a willy or a fanny
 And you'll have the local papers in a rage (Can't rape a goat these days
 If the public note what you did to that goat
 You'll have the authorities at your throat
 You just can't rape a goat these days
 You'll be in trouble in so many ways
 Confuse a billy or a nanny
 For a willy or a fanny
 And you'll have the local papers in a rage)
 Now that privacy's gone you'd better keep your schlong Inside the members of the human race