It Kills Me To Have To Be Alive

Something about the summer I didn't cope with well
 And every time I walked in this room
 In the same spot, tripped and fell
 And I check my spit for blood
 And I do not call enough
 I spill my guts for money
 But you don't find my jokes that funny
 There's something in the tone of my voice
 That makes you question everything I say
 And I will never learn to just shut my mouth
 And bury things our parents' way
 And you said that I should quit what I fear
 And I know I just wanted it to be my idea
 And you said that I do not exist
 And I know at least now we agree on it
 And I'll keep telling myself
 That I'm not just here for everyone else
 Make plans for birthdays that I don't care if I celebrate
 And I'm sorry that I can't be what everybody wants from me
 I do not feel that I am loved
 But I do not reach out enough
 But I'm reaching up
 I'll let this all fall down around me
 Yeah, I'll let this all fall down around me
 Yeah, I'll let this all fall down around me
 And I'll fail but at least I'll try
 It's the most I can hope for most of the time
 It kills me to have to be alive
 It's killing me to have to be alive