Sofa King

Please, read from sheets
 I am (I am)
 Sofa King (Sofa King)
 Scared of a bunch of water? Then get out the rain
 Order a rapper for lunch and spit out the chain
 Then kick a lungee of the tip of his timbo
 And trick a honey dip into a game of of strip limbo
 Odd, he couldn't find no remorse
 A wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse
 Of course his technique was from a divine source
 Never knew the price of ice or what swine cost
 One guy tried to bite the heat
 That's when he discovered the other other white meat
 Oh, the one they hate so well
 He sure keeps it pyscho like the old bates motel
 They came to ask him for at least some new tracks
 But only got confronted by the beast with two backs
 Knock, mouse is a made man
 Villain laid it down like the best laid plan
 Velvet the cat who the hell is that near the middle
 Got y'all but it's not all bare and skittles
 Prepare the viddles, got riddles and spittles
 Crystal clear to the jock or the tittle
 Tsk! It's hot off the griddle
 Came to take the cake whether it's a lot or a little
 Kaboom, doom is nervous large
 You could tell by his blooming room service charge
 Dark and tall to boot
 The only thing was wrong was he was bald as a coot
 Used to rent a van from Peter Pan to red and tan
 And keep the human foot for his dead man's hand
 This was when the mask was brand spanking new
 Before it got rusted from drinking all the brew
 Stankin' too, pew
 Kept all his earnings in the bank and his shoe
 Spat what he knew, energy for true
 To all fake rappers, twenty-three skidoo
 Excuse you, any room in the class front?
 For a blast of the blunt, shrooming since last month
 Doom a human in the mask I'm on the stunt
 Danger zooming past mad fast on the hunt
 Keep the streets, we got the city needing conquered
 Discreetly with the city till they be completely bonkered
 The fans demanded it, handled it, swallow it
 His own brandishing, if only he could bottle it
 Hmm, nah she could get messy
 Feds tried to tortue him for the secret recipe
 He said: "It's no use, I only know half"
 "No speake de english, I only do the math"
 Zzt, felt no pain
 His brain was saturated with cocaine and rogaine
 He said: "Try scan no thing three-card dead fly man"
 "Go for bling he got bled"
 "I jam over sting, see spots red"
 "I am Sofa King, We Todd Ed"
 We, Todd, Ed
 Now, repeat all, very fast, please
 I am, Sofa King (faster)
 I am Sofa King We Todd Ed
 No no, not so fast, loses meaning
 I am so fucking retarded
 Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, you say, funny thing!