Hermitage Shanks

I am the chappy
 Who's seen the bappies
 Of a thousand lappy lasses
 Clad in all the castle
 But probably not the hassle
 My kazound's up in the wind
 Of a world of pure delight
 Bright the world of sin is
 Like the finish on some nylon tights
 Styled on times gone past
 With just a hint of twenty-first century arse
 I am the chap who spent a whole damn summer on gin
 I got the clap and I lamented
 I don't have a plan
 Now draw me again (?)
 Run to mummy
 And then
 To the place where I find space
 Solace, and grace
 Far from the trappings of the rodentile race
 Down with the strides
 Save grace and then
 Brace myself for whatever may occur
 It's the sit-down of champions,
 I'm sure you'll concur
 If the lure of modern life has become too much
 I long for my porcelain crutch and so
 I retire to Hermitage Shanks
 For a rest and a read
 And perhaps a little --
 If I'm drawing a blank
 I give thanks to the tank
 When I retire to Hermitage Shanks
 Hermitage Shanks, you're my piece of the rock
 Down with the britches
 Out with the old --
 Clasp the chain with a couple of yanks
 And give thanks
 To Hermitage Shanks
 When I've overdone it on the sherry
 And I'm very merry
 With a Delhi belly
 I can verily assume
 I can retire to this room
 And resume the job at hand
 And then rejoin my merry band
 I would give it ten minutes, if I were you
 Ten minutes to recover from the shock and ballyhoo
 Ballywho did that?
 Ballyme or ballyyou?
 You're celiac, you, obsessed with the poo!
 I'm off to the Kit-Kat Club for a few more.
 Sweet or dry sherry; matters not!
 I'll do more of the same.
 The notions which dare not speak their name!
 I'm the master of my domain, so I claim.
 Then why am I always the one to blame
 When a distaste for the air is exclaimed!
 When the accusations become too much
 I long for my porcelain crutch and so
 I retire to Hermitage Shanks
 For a rest and a read and perhaps a little--
 If I'm drawing a blank, I give thanks to the tank
 When I retire to Hermitage Shanks
 Hermitage Shanks, you're my piece of the rock
 Down with the britches, out with the old--
 Clasp the chain with a couple of yanks
 And give thanks to Hermitage Shanks