Super Dan

The sun has gone down and Dan is having drinks with friends
 Nothing awfully crazy, just one or two
 Cuz something always happens when he gets too loaded
 That lands him on the six o'clock news
 Like the lady that he saved from having all her stuff stolen
 When he threw up on the purse snatcher's shoes
 Or the time he stopped the mayor from being shot by an assassin
 By taking him to get a tattoo
 Of the logo they'd use when they start a band
 Because only when things get out of hand
 He becomes Super Dan
 Super Dan is only super when he's blackout drunk
 He can stop a robbery just by blowing chunks
 When you see the Dan signal of a bottle of Jack in the sky
 It tells you that you can rely on Super Dan
 Uh oh... You can bet that he will show
 Uh Uh Oh... If he's facedown in a Merlot
 The morning after hero he often feels like zero
 His hangovers are super sized
 But every hero needs to have a big arch enemy
 For Dan it's loud noise and bright lights
 One time he stopped a bombing by a masked man in a bank
 He diffused the bomb and saved all of them
 He'll tell you it was genius knowing the right button to push
 But he just thought it was the ATM
 He can leap a tall bar and land flat on the floor
 He's faster than a silver bullet can of Coors
 He is Super Dan
 Super Dan is only super when he's feeling no pain
 Fermented grain makes him fly like a airplane
 He shouldn't fly when he's been down in his secret lair liquor lab
 So can you call a taxi cab for Super Dan?
 Uh oh... To drive a car he's got to blow
 Uh Uh oh... Blood alcohol of 1.0
 And he can walk through walls
 Because he missed the door (double vision)
 And he can shift shapes
 From man to lump on floor (puddle pissin')
 And he fights crime
 Even if he can't stand (keelin ova')
 He once passed out
 Saved all of Japan (Go Godzilla)
 And evil men cower
 When he's in his prime (barely lucid)
 And they hear his battle cry
 It's Miller time!
 Super Dan is only super when he's super plowed
 Tried breathing fire but the Everclear just burned his brows
 He likes to think he's got the super awesome power of mind control
 When hitting on some ugly troll, that's Super Dan
 Uh oh... He had her when he said hello
 Uh uh oh... Too bad she looks like a Van Gogh
 Dan has got a bar stool with his name carved on the side
 A tribute to his drunken wins
 But he knows to get much bigger he better get a rig
 Because a hero needs his heroin
 Like the time he stopped a terrorist by hitting him with his car
 Cuz he nodded out behind the wheel
 Or when he stopped a huge invading strange alien race
 By shooting up with Ron Popeil
 And maybe there weren't really aliens in the attic
 But they cut them all down with a Chop-o-Matic
 Ragin' Ron and Super Dan
 Super Dan is only super when he's totally stewed
 He knows karate, jiu jitsu, and a bit of kung fu
 Ask him to show you,
 He'll end up just trying to kick some old dude in the teeth
 Sometimes it's tricky to believe ol' Super Dan
 Uh oh... He says he knows some taekwondo
 Uh uh oh... Claims he beat up Russell Crowe
 Uh oh... A total lie since it began
 Uh uh oh... He's just a drunken stupid Super Dan