Twenty 20

New year, new me, why does everybody say that
 You sneer, you'll see, broken record lemme play that
 Why do you tell everybody including yourself that you promise you'll change
 And you have the mentality once in a year and you give it a week and you throw it away
 What's the point, yeah sit and point, why'd you disappoint
 My time is ticking, I might just give in, I get annoyed
 Not at myself but at my addictions, I try to quit them, I'm tired of wishing, that I'd dismiss this sinister voice
 By myself, yeah by myself, demons tryna to help
 I'm paralyzed and I'm scared to die and I'm tryna yell
 Prepare the knives and I'm terrified, I think I'm hell
 Take my soul I'm tryna sell, might as well, try to fail
 I just wish that everybody would notice me, I feel like I'm not the man I'm supposed to be
 Leave me alone, I'm not mad I'm just focusing
 Pen to my pad and I'm tryna flow to the beat
 Negative 50 nobody as cold as me, maybe I'll do R&B like I'm Jodeci
 It's 2020 I'm not what I hope to be, it's not about where you are it's what you grow to be
 Yeah I don't live in the present, I live in my head that's why I've got a headache
 Cuz I keep beating myself up I'm pathetic, and kinda neurotic, I think I'm possessive
 Obsessed with myself, I believe my depression
 Is linked to my poor self esteem and my ethics
 I guess that I'm less than what you'd deem impressive
 I know that I'm weak and I've learned to accept it (I'm Nathan K)
 I'm writing music inside of my car because I live my life in the fast lane
 My life is a movie, I'm giving you tickets so that you can come to the matinee
 Tell me now, what does the track say? I don't know, what does the track say?
 I guess what I'm saying is I'll be carrying this negative shit till my back breaks
 Why can't you just get your facts straight
 When I get a track imma castrate
 Every single instrument that you've been listening to when you're playing my tracks hey
 Honestly I'm in a bad place, I think about life in a bad way
 I guess what I'm saying is if you relate to my music and play it, well that's great
 Now I'm inside of the door, I've got some new opportunities
 If I'm being honest this positive attitude that I've been having is new to me
 Yeah, you can play this at my eulogy, work isn't new to me
 Verbally shoot at me, permanent's usually perfect cuz musically
 I'm just a verbal suburban kid using the abilities that I have to make a change
 I know you listen because we're the same, you can relate to everything I'm saying
 When you listen to me man you hear the pain, when you listen to me man you hear the rage
 This is my history, flipping the page, my vision is distant but it's within range
 Difficult to get from Underground to fame
 I never knew I could change lives, and do what I love at the same time
 Anybody here can make excuses, you wanna be different you make time
 That's why I'm climbing the grapevine, the way to fame isn't a straight line
 Everybody wants a Superman, the only thing I wanna save's time
 I feel like I've got the advantage, I wear my shame like I'm branded
 I wear my lyrics like armor, making sure nothin' can damage
 Don't be ashamed that your damaged, you'll never be great if you're average
 You can take over the planet, yeah you know that I'm wreaking havoc
 The last few years of my life were the worst and I don't wanna live my life like a burden
 Last year I didn't even know my purpose, ripped my confessions out of my chest and then I burned em'
 I used to think that I deserved this, I used to believe that I was worthless
 Then I found my worth when I was working, decided I would finally be happy cuz I earned this
 I feel like I'm living in the fast lane
 This'll be the year that I'll be happy
 Living every moment like my last day
 I'll be working hard until my back breaks