Still Can't Play the Trombone

I am a man of inumberal talents
 We all are man and women
 To strike a balance
 You know I can rhyme and make beats and fake feats of strength and gyle
 And make treats for a while
 Drawing comics and making bad jokes
 While dancing around like a mad bloke
 I can't touch my toes but I can touch my knees
 I can pluck a rose if that'll make you pleased
 I make a bit of money for all that can yield I got the high score on track and field that felt better then cold hard cash
 I don't need potatoes for mash
 I'm getting smashed
 I can jump quite high, or at least I could
 I've not tried for a while, and I don't think I should
 All these things I can do on my own but I still can't play the trombone
 I can tie a bowtie at the second attempt
 I stuffed a million envelopes when I was a temp
 My grandmother once taught me how to knit now I can't do it for toffee missie
 I once did a Rubik's cube like in three minutes
 Give me a fall and I'll fill it
 I can't beatbox I've tried but you know I'm still learning
 I reckon I'll be a dad hand gerning
 I was the champion of backwards bunny hop
 And I can pin point a time at school when the fun stops
 I can play bass guitar like Mark King
 But I choose not to because it's just not really my thing
 I can lift dumbells of varying weights like a Victorian strongman a century late
 I can make music from anything known, but I still can't play the trombone
 I can lead a cricket team or fly an air balloon crack an one up with my buttcheeks some of this is true I can nearly beat my hand in an arm wrestle bout I am the greatest MC though the jury is out I can communicate with all of the great apes I can quote Stewart Francis I could crush a grape I recognite the tool this song in one take but I still can't play the trombone