Indoctrination (Can't Let It Go)

When I was born I was baptized a Catholic
 Later on in life as a teen I was baptized as a Christian
 That was voluntarily
 And later on when I was 20 I began studying with Jehovah's Witnesses
 And after that I began to study with 7th day Adventists
 And at the age of 23 I began to study with Muslims but now
 Everyday I do best
 Hustle get the paper, and homie God bless
 The rest is up to fate
 But do I really believe
 That there's a God watching me
 And making sure I make it
 I used to be so sure
 But now if you really want it then you take it
 Dear, God let me make it
 Is what I used to cry at night
 As a little kid putting up a fight
 With the devil that tries
 To take control of my mind
 I am troubled deep inside
 My spirit feels broken
 On my knees as a teen
 Praying and hoping
 That there's a God up above
 A God of compassion
 Yes, a God of pure love
 At the age of 24 I had a mental breakdown
 I experienced revelation
 And it contradicted every single thing
 That I was taught to believe
 From the age of 24 up to 33
 You could look into my eyes
 And the only thing you'd see
 Is a man feeling lost
 Despite my confidence
 Despite of what I claimed to believe
 And that's where I'm at, and so I say
 Dear, God, let me make it
 Eh, that's just colonization
 That's just acculturation
 And it stems from centuries ago
 The reason why I shake, why I scream
 When I wake, like a fiend
 And I can't let it go
 And it mother fucking shows
 With every note that I wrote
 With every spit that I flow
 I can't let it go
 No, I can't let it go
 Dear, God, let me make it
 Eh, that's just colonization
 That's just acculturation
 And it stems from centuries ago
 The reason why I shake, why I scream
 When I wake, like a fiend
 And I can't let it go
 And it mother fucking shows
 With every note that I wrote
 With every spit that I flow
 I can't let it go
 No, I can't let it go
 Dear, God
 Dear, God please don't abandon me
 Please, don't abandon me, God
 I need you more than ever
 I feel alone
 I feel like I can't make it on my own, God
 God, please, don't leave
 Man, fuck this shit
 I am age 34 now
 And I bow down to no man
 But I ain't gonna lie
 I still find it rough trying to understand
 The reason why I'm here
 I gave myself purpose
 But am I feeling fulfilled
 Is my satisfaction real
 Everyday I do my best
 To reach my goals and make it
 You want it better take it
 It resonates in my mind
 Everyday I talk to God
 But everyday I wonder if I'm talking to myself
 It affects my mental health
 I went from praying and believing
 To doubting the existence
 The devil is deceiving
 Is what the voice inside of me
 Is always telling me
 And this is the result of indoctrination
 AKA colonization
 I'm well aware of it
 But it doesn't take the fact that I'm suffering from it
 It's an everyday struggle
 But I refuse to go back
 So this is where I reach
 The point of no return
 And leave alone the past
 'Cause I know the origins
 And for lack of better words
 It was all fucking bad
 It was a fucking bag
 Dear, God, let me make it
 Eh, that's just colonization
 That's just acculturation
 And it stems from centuries ago
 The reason why I shake, why I scream
 When I wake, like a fiend
 And I can't let it go
 And it mother fucking shows
 With every note that I wrote
 With every spit that I flow
 I can't let it go
 No, I can't let it go
 Dear, God, let me make it
 Eh, that's just colonization
 That's just acculturation
 And it stems from centuries ago
 The reason why I shake, why I scream
 When I wake, like a fiend
 And I can't let it go
 And it mother fucking shows
 With every note that I wrote
 With every spit that I flow
 I can't let it go
 No, I can't let it go